In somewhat typical pigheaded fashion, I have continued to push forward in my bread-baking endeavors… without doing much of anything different. And somehow succeeded in not screwing it up completely the second time around!
Probably out of sheer stubborn “I know how to follow directions” gumption, I decided to attempt the same sourdough recipe a second time. I did not do any further reading, nor did I watch the cooking video I’ve had open in a tab all week. Determined to prove to myself that I am good at following directions, I went back at it – with only slight modifications. And damned if it didn’t mostly turn out ok.
I am certain my bread skills will benefit from some actual reading and research. Normally, I read all the things before attempting to try things. I am not really sure why that doesn’t apply here, but I’m feeling thoroughly self-satisfied with the accomplishment of successfully following directions.
Did my boule turn out beautifully round? Not at all! Was it kind of saggy on the sides? Yep! Was the texture a little bit on the rubbery side – indeed it was.
However! I made bread! Totally edible and delicious and homemade bread. Without resorting to the various kitchen doodads that I’m feeling compelled to acquire!
I’m going to formally commit to actually doing some research before my next loaf – which I’m already planning to attempt in a day or two. But this was very much the confidence boost I needed. The reminder that I don’t have to do it perfectly in order to keep going.
A lot of the creativity and habit forming and self-help type reading that I’ve done in the past years (and the past few weeks especially) emphasizes how much learning and growth and change are tied to mindset. If I don’t believe I can learn something, I won’t. If I’m convinced that a particular flavor of creativity requires innate talent and that I don’t possess it, then I’ll probably never even try to learn.
But if I give myself the grace of trying and being willing to fail in the attempt without convincing myself that failure is evidence of total and utter incompetence, then I’ll have not only a fighting chance, but the potential to do amazing and delightful things!
Hopefully things that lead to delicious grilled cheese sandwiches…
Baker on the Run 